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Giving Yourself a Chance

November 1, 2009

I hate having to prove myself to people, especially those who are close to me. Every time I try my best to prove how well I can do a certain something, I mess it up… only because there’s someone watching me closely, ready to jump at any given chance to judge me on my mistakes. I’d rather do things alone… when no human is watching me. I don’t feel like I have to TRY to do my best just to boost their confidence in me.

Somehow I can’t do things well… or maybe I just make myself believe that? Someone HAS to catch the flaws. They just do… and no one appreciates anything anyways. Or could it be that they never show their appreciation. Oh c’mon, at least a smile? That would make my day.

And because *people* don’t have enough confidence in me, they don’t let me do things. They’re afraid of taking risks. And when they do give me a chance, of course, I can see their expression filled with hesitance, I try SO very hard, so hard… that everything comes tumbling down. What’s wrong with me…?

I realized I did the same thing with my brother. Afraid and hesitant… to let him try something new. And when I did, and he didn’t do so well (of course, how could I even expect him to be perfect on first try?) I yelled at him. Not because there was no room for improvement, but because I was insecure. I didn’t feel like he could do it… what if he made a mistake? I feel terrible for having done that to him.

Hmm… where does homeschooling come in this? Well, initially when I started the post, it was just a rant, but it does have an indirect relation with home schooling. Don’t shrug of the idea of homeschooling off your mind just because you think you can’t do it, or rather, you won’t be ABLE to do it. You’re belittling yourself, and in the process you end up belittling everyone who will be involved in the process. Ok, maybe you don’t know much about homeschooling. Research it. Maybe you like the idea… give yourself a chance and don’t let other people tell you that you won’t be able to do it. Your outcome solely relies on strong will.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Asma permalink
    November 11, 2009 12:11 am

    I get so scared about homeschooling sometimes. It just seems so overwhelming, to be your child’s everything–mother, mentor, teacher, principal, etc.
    and on top of that, I think it’s a huge test for the mother see if she can follow the schedule and be the best example for her kids.

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